God disturbed us for a reason. He promised not to leave us nor forsake us but he never promised to make us comfortable. We are uncomfortable for a reason. God will sometimes use situations to build us.
The truth is that I love him and that’s all. It’s not about sex or what we can give each other. I love him enough to leave him and allow him to grow. I love him enough to stand by him even when he pushes me away. I love him enough to be his place of refuge when the world beats down on him. I love him enough to see things through his eyes so I can try to understand his perspective.
Our connection is strong and it shifts our focus from outward pursuits to the pursuits of us. Perhaps that’s what God intended because we both are super focused now. Performing at a level that anyone would be envious of. But we are also fuel for each other. Love fuels us.
I know he loves me that’s why it’s hard to walk away. He never had to say it because he always made his love obvious. That ‘s what I desire now. For the first time in my life, heart, I desire love, not lust. I thought I loved another in a similar way but now I question that. The world looks different to me now. I feel like a flower that has just began to grow and is ready for pollination. Everything is alert.
I never regret loving because it has made me a better woman and taught me how to appreciate a man. I would not know this unless I was paying attention. Because I didn’t always pay attention, when I was seeking the other L. But as I also see my growth as a blooming flower. I now know how to stop having sex. I know how to stop prolonging relationships that should end. I know how to cut off communication that my be distracting but I don’t know how to stop loving him nor do I want to.
But love hurts and love is uncomfortable, makes us react uncharacteristically. As a result, we run from love, we hide our hearts and pretend that what we feel is on the surface. But we should just allow the love to flow freely instead of trying to stifle it. Let the pollen infiltrate our system so that we can grow into a beautiful bouquet.
God loves us in a similar way, allowing us free will to stumble, to find our way, and to accept him. But when we do he showers us with his pollen and we flourish. We bloom into new creations that are bursting with more of his love to share with the world. Love becomes contagious and God has had his way.